Soulmates?

I know a lot of people that believe in soulmates, and I also know a lot that don't. My opinion is wavering in-between, I love the idea of soulmates, but also at the same time I am seeing the climbing divorce rates and am struck with the thought - maybe soulmates exist, but are we able to find them? And suppose we do find them, is it really our significant other, or is it the friends we make trying to find the believed soulmate?

I have a number of close friends, and a few of them I definitely believe are somehow connected to me in a very important way. They take me as I am, flaws and all, and we are pretty open with one another. Boys have come and gone (not all of then, two of them have had steady boyfriends for years), drama has come in and ransacked the group, but the stragglers always manage to hang tough, and I am so thankful for that. That being said, could these girls be my real soulmates? They are the ones who have helped me through my heartbreaks, given me advice and taken my mind of my romantic failings.

Or, I guess I can see the other side of the coin - will I ever meet the man that is both my significant other AND my best friend? Or will there always be this disconnect...my man on one side and my girls on the other, until one day my girls have to heal me once again after a fallout. I'm sure my boyfriend/fiance/husband could always comfort me after a fight with one of my girlfriends, but the thought of losing a dear friend is a hurt that I can't find comparable to a break up with a boyfriend.

In the end, I don't think it matters. Soulmates are this wonderful romantic notion that I just love to death - the thought that someone out there in the world who is perfectly made for you. Every flaw you have is compounded with someone else being the perfect fit. If you're high maintenance, he'll be able to maintain you. If you're stubborn, he'll be either laid back enough to let you steer or have the strength to make you see reason. I love the idea that someone out there is, right now, thinking of his soulmate and he doesn't even know it is me yet. But, as much of a romantic as I am, I'm also able to be realistic. I think fighting between a couple is a sign that there is passion and the ability to compromise (I say fighting, not constant bickering, which I think is annoying and is a slow wear and tear on a relationship), and I can't imagine two soulmates fighting very much.

I'm going to post a poll - do you believe in soulmates? I don't think anyone reads this, but if you do, weigh in on it and maybe we'll see who wins: realistics or romantics.

Always the Bridesmaid...wait...

So it is official as of yesterday - A asked me to be a bridesmaid for her wedding. I have been to three weddings my whole life, one as a young girl, one as a slightly older girl, and one as a young woman. I'm excited to be a part of the process. A is one of my closest and dearest friends, and I am so happy that she asked me to be a part of her special day. My friends K and H are also bridesmaids, so I think it will be a fun night for everyone.

I do have to say, though, that this feels like a definite 'grown-up' thing. This is a marriage - this is going to be for the rest of A's life, hopefully. This is something grown ups do, get married...with my happiness comes a little bit of nervousness. I feel like we are all getting to a point where we'll have to leave the part of life we bonded in behind and become adults. I hope all of our friendships survive this transition.

Speaking of growing up, my crush M that I work with is still simply a crush - no interaction that has led to anything else. He is 33, 11 years older than me, which seems insane to me but for some reason I get so fluttery and shy around him, which is really rare when it comes to guys for me. I'm sure he looks at me like I am too young, but I'm not feeling so young these days, so who knows?

UNdecided

You know, when you're in college, you are allowed to be undecided for two years before you finally have to choose a major. In that time, I've had friends that have changed their majors up to three times before settling on that perfect one - the one where your career is going to bloom from when you graduate (if you are lucky and deserving, in four years) and will keep you satisfied until you retire at 70. Well, I chose my major the day I was accepted to VCU - Art History. I never deterred from it, never regretted it, but deep down inside I was still totally, completely and utterly UNdecided.

I still am, and I graduate in December 2010. Do I want to work in museums? Work for a publishing company - become an editor? Do I want to travel? Do I want to attempt to find a job I hate so I have the money TO travel? Do I want to write? Paint? My mind is constantly swirling with things I'd love to be able to do, mediocre skill or not, and I just can't decide.

Is 22 too young an age for such a heavy decision? I think so.

The last single girl?

One of my friends just newly got engaged (a huge congrats to A!), which has sparked a question in me - Am I the last (officially) single girl? I have three close girlfriends - A, K, and H...A's now out, K has been in a five year relationship and an engagement is most likely just around the corner, and H and her new boyfriend are planning to move in together this summer, which feels like a huge step in the engagement direction to me. I know I'm thinking way ahead - who knows what could happen? But I have to say, I feel like the last single girl in my circle of friends right now. No boyfriend, no potential crushes, no nothing. My friend K insists that I go and put myself out there more, but that has never been my style (which is most likely a huge factor in the singleness), but there is a reason for it, I swear!

My whole 22 years of life, I've ALWAYS been the one to instigate the relationship. I practically asked out my first boyfriend, NB (not to be confused with N from my previous post!), my second crush of about two years ago, R (who I was so desperately into, sigh...) only found out my feelings due to my drunken word-vomit, and my friend N I declared my love to and was rejected...nicely rejected, but rejection is rejection, right? So is it really so awful that I would like to be the chasee, and not the chaser, just for once? I'm still so young, and still naive, and I really would love that 'swept off your feet, can't live without you' kind of courtship situation. I know that is so far-fetched, but at least I would like to be the one who is pleasantly surprised by some kind of declaration of feeling, and not be the one who has to constantly put herself out there. While my honesty with NB gained me an amazing 10 month relationship where I experienced many, many firsts, my interaction with R and N mostly led to me being totally bummed.

But maybe K is right...it might be time for me to put myself out there. I think I just need to work myself up for that, or at least psych myself out. For now, I'll be the smiling supportive friend, and I will prepare to buy many engagement gifts.

You know what they say about sacrifice...

Sacrifice is good - it teaches us morals, gives us humility, helps others instead of ourselves, right? Well, what if what your sacrificing something (your pride, your feelings, quite possibly something that could be downright amazing) for someone you barely know, someone you regretfully could care very little about? Does it make the sacrifice less worth it, or is it also beneficial to you in the end, making it just as worth a sacrifice for a loved one?

I know this guy...let's name him N...who I have been friends with for years, and who I love deeply as a friend and as something a little more. Unfortunately for me, he is dating someone, and has been for two years. He knows how I feel, and we have maintained a pretty close communication even after his recent move to a different state. Now, he's back, for the time being at least, and I had the chance to hang out with him tonight. His girlfriend was also there, and I realized tonight that I am putting both her happiness and his happiness head of my own - instead of fighting for him, I am hanging out with him and his girlfriend, laughing at her jokes, being kind, supportive and (if I do say so myself) a very good friend. Even though it is definitely some kind of sacrifice acting this way, I feel like it is (at the moment) the only thing I can do, and the best thing for me to do. I mean, they say if you really love someone you have to let them go, even if it hurts you. I think that doing this, while at the moment is really hard and hurts me, makes me a better person in a lot of ways.

Of course, I know she is better for him than me. Their interests are insanely similar, she's never hurt him (and I have, a story best summed up as 'I didn't want to lose our friendship so I turned him down and screwed myself over'), and he loves her - totally and completely. And that's enough for me, that he is happy.

That's why it's called sacrifice. It's not easy, or else we'd call it something much more fun.

Introduction

My name is Kelsey, and I am a single 22 year old living in the wonderful city of Richmond in Virginia. I am not beautiful, I am not skinny, and I am not brilliant - but I am sweet, compassionate, soft, bright, and warm. I am a firm believer in understanding your flaws but also appreciating your talents and capabilities. I'm going to be graduating college in seven months, have been single for three years, and have a very uncertain future - and I love it. Every door is open to me, every path is intriguing, and I cannot wait to find out what lies ahead for me.