So I've decided against showing H my blog for the time being - there is just so much personal stuff on here (for me, anyway), and if I want to keep using it as a safe place for me to air my true feelings, than it should stay that way for me. Totally private and separate from my real life, like a refuge. I'm going to be spending a couple of nights at her place later this week to keep her mind off of this whole break up thing...mostly because I know how awful being in that place is, and I know how being alone suddenly brings out all these doubts and vulnerabilities that aren't there when you're with your friends.
So I have a new crush - a super small one, seeing as how I don't know the guy very well. He's cute and funny and a genuinely nice guy (all the first three checks on my 'list'), but there is just one problem...his age is so distracting! He's three years younger than me, and it's totally throwing me off. My self esteem is way too low to even consider the fact that he could ever even find me attractive, so it's not like I'm all heart-heart over the guy, but just the fact that if something DID happen, his age throws a kink into any and all plans. Is it creepy to date someone three years younger? I feel like I have sewn all my wild oats (barely any wild oats in this girl, really) and am at the time where I'm looking for something 'real'...I don't think he's at that place yet, and I doubt I could deal with the doubts of dating someone who wants to 'experience' college. The situation seems kind of hopeless, so he isn't even getting a letter to represent him in this blog yet. So we'll see how that goes...I'm not hopeful.
I did write the prologue for my new novel adventure, though...my first attempt at a novel was so wrought with complexities and totally over my head that I barely made it to double digit chapters. With this one the idea is original but still simple enough for me to really put myself into it without feeling like I'm beating a dead horse verbally. I'd love to ask one of my friends to edit and give feedback, but I just feel weird opening myself up like that...if they didn't like it, they'd never have the heart to tell me, and while I love my friends dearly, they are all either too busy to read for pleasure and I'd feel weird invading their lives like that in order for me to even decide if this novel is something that should be finished or shelved. I'm going to try to write a few more chapters in the next few months, I have a feeling when I graduate I will have all the time I need to get my creative juices flowing! ;)
0 comments:
Post a Comment